FBI Ricin Interrogation TranscriptPosted: April 23, 2013
I want to begin this by saying, I totally get it. Paul Kevin Curtis. The guy has 3 first names, that’s damn suspicious and he’s an Elvis impersonator which is totally a criminal indicator, as anyone who has seen 3000 Miles to Graceland can attest. So when you get letters full of Ricin, Paul Kevin Curtis stands out. The letters were even signed “KC” though I don’t know many people who sign with their middle initial rather than their first, but the FBI has it’s methods. So to shed some light on the situation I am releasing part of the interrogation of Mr. Curtis(KC) by Special Agent Todd Douglas(SAD).
SAD: Tell us about the Ricin Mr. Curtis, if you cooperate, we can help you.
KC: Man, I don’t even like rice.
SAD: Oh, a funny man huh? You know what they do to funny men in a Federal Super Max Prison? Where did you get the Ricin?
KC: I mean… I… I’ve only gotten rice once, from Uncle Ben.
SAD: Who is this Uncle Ben? Is that a code name? Tell me his real name!
KC: I don’t know his real name, it just said Uncle Ben on the package.
SAD: What did the package look like?
KC: I mean, it was an orange box with the picture of some old guy on it.
SAD: Was this old guy someone “Uncle Ben” wanted you to target?
KC: No, no, no. I think the old guy is Uncle Ben.
SAD: And where is this box now?
KC: In my cabinet, next to the sink.
SAD: We are going to check this story out, if you lied, so help me, I’ll feed your balls to a chihuahua.
There you have it. Justice in the works.
Update | 27.04.13
Apparently Ricin Elvis was framed by a martial arts instructor. It doesn’t get any weirder than this folks. Kobra Kai almost got away with it too.